Leo, the Rebel Hunter.

When I think of Leo, I see him with the style and demeanor of the great men who used to grace the silver screen, Marlon, Gable, or Dean.  Making the girls swoon with one soulful glance their way. I picture him tatted up and smoking a cigarette, riding his custom 1945 Chevy pickup, aviator glasses over his hazel eyes, throwing back whisky from his flask and sharpening his knife, chasing the sun away while it sets.  His soundtrack feels like the blues with the rusty throaty voices of the lead singers in The Gaslight Anthem and Social Distortion.  I even named his favorite beach in my book after Brian Fallon. Check out one of my favorite songs Leo would definately rock in his truck on the link below.

Yeah, that’s my Leo baby.  My Leo.  He symbolizes the men who go in and out of woman’s lives and leave footprints and shattered hopes. The hollow men who refuse to feel their own  heartbeat and decide instead to suffocate it with sin.  Growing their skin into armor and walls. Taking everything for granted, cynical, a silent storm, a brooding stare.  The Heart breaker, The Bad Boy.The Fighter, The Ghost.  The man the majority of us women eventually have a dance with.  The Peter Pan to our Wendy.

A man who once allows us in the quiet and close encasement of his arms, and makes most of us eager woman long to discover the pearl at the bottom of his shell.  The treasure buried within.

I don’t want to say that he was created for only one person in my life.  The more I delve into my story, the more I realize he isn’t just the face of a man who stole my heart, he is a reaccuring role, a repeated guest appearance to a version of a love or companionship that I always accepted. Only now, the beautiful part about my being the storyteller is I can write his tale any way I choose.  I can make him fall for the mermaid or I can make him choose to kill.  I still haven’t figured out how his story is going to end, but now that I have created his origin, I realize he isn’t only the man who has influenced me, he is a part of who I am as well.

We meet Leo in my book in the very beginning. The moment Sai gets a good look at his face she is entranced.  His “wild one” stare out from under his eyelashes pulls her in.  Once she sees all his brands and witnesses his cold behavior, it unfortunately only intrigues us more.  Sai already has imagined being wrapped in his arms. Sai only makes Leo instantly want to run the moment he realizes she makes him weak.  No one wants to open themselves up to love.  C.S. Lewis says “to love at all is to be vulnerable”, and that doe eyed mermaid with her long black hair and lost lamb look shakes him up inside.

My Leo is a spirit hunter in Reven.  Those in Reven who know of his ancestry call him a Rebel, a name that he has assumed was given to him for the curse he has chosen to take. A curse he permitted to be placed on him to no longer feel, to kill off any form of compassion or remorse inside, and help him forget what was done when he was a younger man.  Gaio realizes when she found him, that fate wove her an incredible opportunity.

I will reveal in the other books of mine that Leo is actually from a long line of Knights.  Knights who once fought with The Keepers( the mermaids) to protect Reven from the Avira’s (dark spirits) and the Consumed (the natives who have become possessed) that roam about like lions.

I always enjoy the story behind the story.  I like to know why villains became evil or how the hero overcame his past.  In a way, this whole series is my origins.  The bigger story behind the story.  The past that haunts Leo is beginning to resurface now that Sai has twirled her way into his soul.  His role in the salvation of Reven was intertwined with hers long before they were born.

How many of us have tried to run from our past?  How many of us have rejected any form or love or kindness because we have either felt unworthy or felt we had forgotten how to accept anything but pain? Built up our defenses and not allow anything or anyone in. That’s the part of Leo that is in me.  That is a part of Leo that I can even sometimes continue to struggle with today.

I have always been fascinated with tattoos.  The picture I had put up before inspired me not only for Sai but also for Leo.  (When my book takes off I am going to be sure to constantly thank Angelique Houtkamp for her incredible artwork as often as I can.) I see all these gorgeous pieces of living art on people and imagine them coming to life and moving, much like the Illustrated man in Ray Bradbury’s novel Something Wicked this way Comes.  When Leo’s curse starts to take over, his body rejects it, and uses it just like armor the Knights from his family used in battle. That’s how the brands are created.  I tried to steer away from using terms like inked or tattoos, because that’s not what they are.  I don’t want people to think that I was looking down at tattoos.  I think they are incredible. I am still deciding what I want and where, but like Sai, I can’t make up my mind.

I hope that when people read about Leo they grow to love him and root for him to change.  Relate to the hate they have for themselves, and in the end, like him, realize that all his lost battles helped prepare him for a bigger victory. Some of you might like him better as a whisky slinging killer, but I think he will always maintain his roughness around the edges…and still be gentle, at least to the woman he loves.

As always thank you for spending a little of your time reading my madness, and I hope one day very,very soon, my book will be out and about for people to enjoy.  Until than Viya con Dios, and be happy always.

Sai comes to life

I’ve always had a fascination with mermaids, long before Disney recreated Hans Christian Andersen’s The little Mermaid.  Once Ariel had come to life, I felt a kinship to her plight portrayed in that movie.

I was 8 years old at the time, right on that border of having to look back on the make-believe world I wanted to stay in, and forward in the responsibilities that were a part of growing up.  I was not ready to stop exploring the trees around me or give up staying outside for as long as I could.  Homework became a trap and the teachers were the dark rulers of a world that was trying to hold me captive.

I can relate to Ariel because she wanted to be a part of something bigger than she was.  A true free spirit. With a fabulous tail and hairdo I might add.  Even now I can feel her restlessness as I move towards trying to get my story published.  It’s a big world out there, and my small voice is one among millions, yet I know once its heard, those loud voices around me will quiet and listen. She was relentless and never stop trying for the love she wanted, or the life she imagined.

Sai to me is who I once was and who I hope eventually I will become.  I see her as this small fragile mermaid in the beginning of my series, become this fearless woman who defeats all the odds against her. Of course I am a hopeless romantic at heart, and I want her ending to be a happy one with Leo, but I am still unsure of how it will end. I do know that I want the readers to see her grow, and not just because she fell in love with a rebel like Leo, the bad boy so to speak.  No, I want her to grow because of the humility she was forced to face alone, time and time again, realizing that fate will keep knocking until she gets it right on her own.

After seeing this documentary about Wonder Woman I changed my mind.  If you get a chance check it out.  It made me want to make Sai a hero not a martyr. I want girls (my daughter included) to look up to Sai and be able to say to themselves they want to have her strength and courage too. Not just because she wants to help the man she loves, but because she loves herself enough to know she is worth the fight. That her future matters just as much as any man or person who she tries to help. If you have the time go on to YouTube and watch it.  It’s definitely opens up your eyes.

 

Back to my mermaid, Sai struggles with her emotions just as most of us all struggle with them.  Are we showing too much, are we not showing enough?  She gets so easily distracted and thrown off track by what others expect of her and not who she really wants to be inside.  The Keepers that she comes from are peaceful and just beings.  She has to try to find a balance within herself to show them and Reven who she is capable of being.

I struggle with that on a daily basis.  Following my heart or following my mind.  listening to what I know is right, or doing what others tell me is right for them.  I want to be able to know my own will and to trust God’s will for myself.  Truly letting go and knowing that if I act in love than I can’t go wrong.

I had just wrote my little story I said in my first post about going through the mirror, when I knew I wanted the character to be a mermaid.  I started to Google pics of mermaids and for some reason I came across Angelique Houtkamp’s pics.  I was instantly drawn into her artwork.  I can get lost just staring at her pictures and daydreaming.

This picture of the girl above with the tattoos all over her moved me so much.  It said so many different things to me.  The first was I felt like her.  Her tattoos and images of herself were a story all over her body, showing the world her flaws and her faults. Houtkamp made her eyes shadowed and I saw my own eyes mirrored back.  Swollen from all the tears I had cried from the shame of having to have the world see my true skin. I thought what would show up on my skin if you actually were able to see all the trials that I had been through.

In a way, Leo was born that very moment too.  I was probably listening to The Gaslight Anthem’s music.  The lead singer Fallon was a big inspiration for my Leo, but that is another blog. I am not sure what Angelique’s motivation was in her original piece, but I know what it means to me. Three of my characters are actually inspired from her artwork.  Who knows, maybe one day when my book takes off I can ask her to do my cover! Dream big baby!

So that’s pretty much why I made Sai a mermaid.  Until I get my scatter brained self a chance to slow down and write on here, Keep Imagining the life you want like Ariel and Sai (and me) and never top pursuing it. Vaya Con Dios

Please feel free to leave comments or feedback. I would love to hear from you.

It Starts

 

Back in the beginning of last year, I had been praying heavily that inspiration would look upon my scatter- brained self and bestow her insight on me to help get my life down on paper.  Ever since I was introduced to Maya Angelou in 7th grade, I fell in love with the power of words.  Not in only books but poems and the lyrics in songs.  I began writing poetry after reading her book “I know why the Caged Bird Sings.” I could not stop my thoughts from viewing the world around me in verse. In her book she used symbolism and adjectives to create this beautiful vision in my thoughts.  It awoke something inside of my oppressed teenage mind.  Or so I thought I was oppressed.  What did I know? It was cool to be depressed.  The outcast.  I was hooked.

When I look back on some of the poems I wrote back than all I can think is man what was I on? Than again, what wasn’t I on.  Its unfortunate to look at my past and realize it is more checkered than i sometimes would like to admit.  However without those black and white moments, I would not have been led here.

Before I dabbled in drugs, theft, and pretty much any immoral issue I could throw my growing mind into, I was granted an extremely sheltered childhood.  I have two loving Hispanic parents who I am so proud raised me.  My family is big and loving, and in that environment I was given the opportunity to let my imagination reign king.  I was Max, Matilda, Ariel, Gobo, Sara from the Labyrinth and one of the Holograms.  My favorite thing to do was play outside and make up worlds and games and characters with the rag-tag group of neighborhood kids that followed me around.  When I was imprisoned in the house, I was glued to the T.V., watching 80’s cartoons and Disney movies, or any Henson or fantasy movie.   When movies lost their luster, I was feeding my brain with the books my uncle gave my almost every weekend, C.S. Lewis,Shel Silverstein,Ghost stories, or even the good old Frog and Toad books, or any of the books I would check out of the library.  Mostly books on monsters, Gnomes,vampires or unicorns.

I was always in my head.  Whether it was in my younger days in the fantastical fantasy world only I could see, or be in the drugs and trouble I got myself into as an adolescent, I was constantly daydreaming.

Years later, having been free of the bondage of self, I knew it was time to get my story out.  Even in my dark moments I had hoped that one day I could help someone out of the same hole I dug myself in.  I just didn’t know where to start. I knew the avenue would always be writing.  So I did what any spiritually fit person does….I prayed. After the new year rolled around, a book was placed in my path.

I know, my fellow established writers will be upset that the back story to my work was birthed by a fill in the blank book, however in my life, I have always tried to listen to the messages no matter where they come from.  That being said, I gave it a chance.  Going through all my writing and poems was giving me nothing but dead ends anyway.  I would start a manuscript and never finish.  I had many great beginnings, but it always fell short. This book changed everything.

You see, I mentioned before that I am a scatter brain. A day dreamer.  A permanent resident in LaLa land.  It’s hard to organize those thoughts that are floating around like ghosts trapped in the beam of Venkman’s proton pack. The author Lindsey Grant has some excellent exercise to knock down the strongest writer’s block.  Any of you ever get stuck, go pick up a copy, open your mind and play.  See what comes out.

I can remember where I was the exact moment my story began to unfold.  There’s a huge mirror above my fireplace that i had posted myself to one Febuary snowy night.  I decided to flex my writing muscles and describe what it would be like to go through it.  Directly below that, I have a painting of the ocean by the artist Steven I had grabbed a couple of years back when my boyfriend at the time went to the Coastguard.  (I figured it brought my closer to him.) I pretended what it would be like to come out the other side of the mirror, right into that beach.  Sai was born.

She was at first an unknown woman, not a mermaid.  I originally was going to have a pirate find her.  Together they would fall in love and he would help her regain her memories and send her back into the ocean.  The longer I stayed awake and wrote, listening to Fiona Apple’s Tidal (how ironic) I started to delve deeper into these two characters.  I began to see far back into their pasts and into their futures.  That small little flame that had been burning since I was younger burst and ignited in my soul.  Brian Fallon from The Gaslight Anthem sings it perfectly in his song Film Noir, “I lit a fire that wouldn’t go out, until it consumed the walls and roof of this house.”

My heroine, Sai, was going to go through what I went through.  I was going to have her struggle and conquer the same obstacles I had to.  As her personality formed, so did Leo.  He is inspired by someone who is very important to me, but he is also a part of me as well.  Once the back bone of Vagabonds began to unfold so did the other characters who I have begun to call my conscience.  They make up my Frankenstein .  Thats what I referred to my rough draft as.  Gable, Rayel and Gaio.

The writing was pouring out of me.  My heart could not keep up.  It all made sense.  God answered my prayers better than I could have ever imagined.  What better way to tell the story of my life than through make-believe?! I can reach a broader audience this way with my message.

I hope that through this small introduction, I have enticed you enough to take a chance and read my story.  Of course there is more to the beginning, but I can always post again.

I am dedicating this sight to my creation, my Frankenstein.  I will put up character sketches and their back story.  Giving you a glimpse into my Reven

I would love to hear feedback.  Just keep in mind, I am a storyteller.  I have terrible penmanship, I mumble, and I don’t always spell check. I am not here to win an award for best word use.  I wrote my book with my heart and soul not with my nose stuck in the thesaurus trying to weave a tale of visionary excellence worthy of your praise.  I only want to share my testimony.  What I have found in my travels to the deepest parts of who I am.  To share with you myself, all of me, checkered and humbled. Join me in my story, my adventure.  Viya con Dios and Be happy always.